Excitement & Nervousness (Day 70 - September 30, 2011)

I think I know why I couldn't sleep well last night.  No, it wasn't the cold . . . only went down to 3C last night (which was much warmer than the -4C the night before).  No, it wasn't the "mysterious, loneliness" I referenced in a Facebook post this morning . . . that came about after I couldn't sleep while waiting for the sun to come up.  I thought it might have been a full moon, but it wasn't that either as I have learned from one of my Twitter friends that the full moon will not come for another couple of weeks.  "So, for crying out loud, tell us already!" you say.  Geez, are we a little touchy this morning?  Maybe you were also feeling the EXCITEMENT & NERVOUSNESS that kept me up.

The Excitement.  I remember one of my brothers and I always slept in the same room on Christmas Eve when we were little.  We knew that neither of us would be able to sleep well due to feeling of being so excited we might pee our pants , and so we decided to keep each other company. That's a little bit like how I am feeling as I look forward to moving back into my home.  I can only imagine what it must feel like for someone who is really homeless that is getting a new home.  I betcha they're so excited that they could pee their pants . . . or whatever the grown up equivalent is (I'll let you know when I grow up). I give thanks for organizations within my region such as The Mustard Seed or Inn From The Cold that work with street homeless individuals and families to get them counselling or training, and help them get back on their feet in a place they can call home.  Or organizations like Habitat for Humanity that work locally and internationally providing homes for people in great need that don't have a place to call their own.  In a very small way, I can guess at how these people feel as they get a proper place to live, and I am so happy for them.

The Nervousness.  While the excitement probably caused me to sleep lightly, the nervousness is likely what woke me up.  Today and tomorrow I will be gathering with clergy and leaders in the Anglican Diocese of Calgary (I'm an ordained Deacon) for a Synod . . . which is a get together that happens every year or two in order to discuss and vote on important matters.  I'm nervous because it is in situations like this that I feel like I am wearing a great big neon sign around my neck that says . . .

"Hey . . . look at me . . . I'm wearing ragged clothes and looking scruffy . . .
why don't you point and talk about me behind my back."

Of course, I know this is in my head and that in reality nothing of the sort is transpiring.  But that's the problem . . . it's in my head!  I think we are hardwired to try to fit in and be accepted in community.  When we doubt our "fitting in", our mind can do a number on us.  Once again, I can only imagine how someone from the street or a refugee must feel when having to encounter large groups of people . . . it must be daunting.   I'm going to try and channel that nervousness into excitement (which, perhaps, are opposite sides of the same coin).  I'm going to see it as an opportunity to "represent" and to be a walking talking reminder about the needs of others.

You know what?  Just having that thought really worked!  Now I'm extra excited!!!  Excited about sleeping in a real bed soon AND excited about these meetings over the next couple of days.  Oh no . . . now I really won't be able to sleep!


WEEKLY UPDATE - Due to the Synod meetings mentioned above, my communication will be quite limited over the next couple of days.  I am catching a ride to and from the meetings, and so will be back sleeping in my tent each night.  However, I don't think I will be able to do my usual weekly update on Saturday, and therefore I'll bring you up to speed now.

Weight - I lost another 2 lbs this week for a total of 17 lbs since the project began in July.  That brings my weight down to 216 lbs.  It's strange because I think I ate the same as usual, and I had less exercise due to a couple of days being grounded by my sprained ankle.  Hmmm . . . must have been the cooler weather that caused the weight loss.

Finances - Thankfully I was paid for the yard work just before my ankle was sprained, and so I now have $20 plus some change.  I'll try not to spend it all in one place.

Ankle - Doing great!!  The swelling is down.  It's still purple, although starting to fade in intensity.   I guess that makes it more of a mauve.  I'd estimate that I have about 80% of my mobility back already and it's feeling pretty strong.


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